I woke up this morning with smudged mascara, a sick stomach, and two glowsticks on my kitchen counter. I went to a rave last night. Now, before my family reads this and thinks I partook in some illegal behavior, I’ll assure you that I didn’t.

This was such a new experience for me that I had to turn to Google for advice:

That’s how much my life varies these days. From crochet to raves. I love it. I watched a video that advised me to wear baggy clothes, a bikini, any tshirt with a cartoon character (she recommened Pikachu) on it, and a kiddy backpack. I ended up going with jeans and a slouchy t-shirt because I had neither a Pikachu shirt nor a kiddy backpack.

When I first got there, I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do. Most of the crowd was younger, so for the first hour or so I was acutely aware of the fact that I was no longer 20. Also, I had no idea what to do with my hands. Standing there next to Andrea and a guy I had just met, I felt completely out of place. Alex had assured me it would be a great night – full of nice people who didn’t judge you.

I’m sure the dark room lit solely with laser beams and flashing lights was decorated in such a way to cultivate zen exactly the way Siddhārtha envisioned, but I wasn’t really feeling it. My limbs felt heavy, my hands unnecessary, and my whole body was just clumsy. I’m sure the gogo dancers in bikinis, garters, and knee-high furry boots didn’t do anything to help that. So I got a drink to loosen up and eventually I started to dance.

My dance repertoire basically consists of awkward shuffling at basement parties my freshman year and looking like a moron at disco shows while my Puerto Rican friend, Che, danced with the confidence that comes only when you’re completely self-assured. I’ve always been envious of people who can dance.

At some point, I hit a moment that I can only describe as magical. I lost all sense of self-consciousness and just allowed myself to suck in the beauty of everything around me. It was like I fell in love with the moment completely – the sensation of the bass so deep, so long, and so heavy I felt it reverberate in my muscles, the brightness of the lights, and the freeness that came from being in a fresh setting without caring what I looked like. It was pure happiness. It was like I had never felt the feeling of worry, regret, or sadness – like that moment was the only moment that I had ever experienced and ever would experience.

I was hesitant at first to go, but I’m so glad I did. I was introduced to a whole culture I never knew existed. I’m not going to become a raver, but I would probably go to one again – and I’ll probably start downloading a bunch of electronic music so I can dance in my apartment.

I’ve never been much for electronic music. Ellie Goulding is about as electronic as I get. But this was really pretty cool. The musician in me hates that most of the sounds are synthetic, but when you’re surrounded by the music and all the positive people, you can’t help but feel completely content. Anyway, if you want to experience magic, I recommend going to a rave with your best friend, drinking a vodka lemonade, and moving your body however you feel compelled.