Zooey Hair? NAILED IT.

So yesterday I got a haircut. I haven’t been into the salon since June, so I was long overdue. What I didn’t mention the other day is that after I found out another of my exes was engaged, I just about reached for a bottle of wine before I realized I had to be able to play a quartet gig a few hours later. I was also sick of my hair, so I was thinking of cutting my hair. For a split second, I actually considered cutting my hair while drinking malbec from the bottle. I decided to just go with the hair cutting.

After 45 minutes of hacking away my split ends with dull scissors, I came to the conclusion that I know nothing about cutting hair. I put some pomade in it and decided to make it look rockstarish – because what else could I do with a bunch of uneven layers?

Last night, I got sick of it and decided to actually pay for a haircut. After careful consideration (hours of Pinterest scrolling), I decided (again) I wanted to look like Zooey Deschanel. I saved the picture Β and showed it to the stylist.

“I want the Zooey Deschanel look,” I said.

“So, bangs, but sort of blended in towards the corners, right?”

“Exactly – not blunt, but rounded.”

So she shampooed my hair and started cutting. Like most walk-in appointments, it was full of awkward conversation and avoiding eye contact through the mirror. As soon as she found out I play violin, she kept talking about her son who has Aspergers who plays violin. That really got her going.

That was when she got to my bangs.

What I should have done was distract her. I should have told her about my cart-wheeling violin student. Or about seeing the world’s best musicians. Or even about how I had just been singing along to Taylor Swift on the ride over. What I should not have done was allow her to cut my bangs while she was passionately explaining to me the difference between Aspergers and ADHD.

The thing with bangs is that once they’re too short, there’s no real coming back. You just have to wait until they grow out. I thought about telling her to round the edges more, but I was scared to see what else she would do to them. I look like a toddler whose older sister tried playing hair stylist. So I’ll be taking the maximum daily dose of biotin until my bangs grow out.

Anyway. Zooey Deschanel hairstyle? Not so much.



Sure, Stylist I Tipped Too Much, those bangs are sort of like Zooey’s.

Also, if someone could explain to me why my nose looks gigantic in 80% of my selfies, that’d be great.


11 thoughts on “Zooey Hair? NAILED IT.

  1. As a hairstylist, I can tell you this. Do not worry, because in less than a week you’ll notice a difference AND will be used to it. Bangs always seem to grow faster than the rest, and also the way you style it will make a difference (like how you blowdry it or if you use the straightner). And quite frankly, don’t worry, you really don’t look like a toddler whose older sister tried playing hair stylist. Promise!
    (As for the nose issue, can’t help, got the same problem! πŸ˜‰ )

  2. I think they’ll look great in about a week. Also, the way you pose makes all the difference with how your nose looks. My nose looks terrible in some pics I’ve taken, but if I’m knowingly having my pic taken, I look straight at the camera or just slighty to the side. If you take a photo from a profile angle or looking down, the nose will look more pronounced.

  3. The problem with “Zooey” bangs is… they stab you in the eyes. I think your bangs look great. And if you’re really itching to be stabbed in the eyes, give it a week or two πŸ™‚

    Oh, and I always wondered if the nose thing – or just my shamefully bad self portraits had something to do with the close proximity of the camera.

  4. Pingback: Throwback Thursday: Dear Genna | Everything is Blooming

  5. I have the same issue. I’ve been to two stylists in the last month. The Zooey look is apparently not taught in beauty school because my bangs look just like yours and nothing like ms deschanel’s. :/

  6. I think sometimes it depends on the picture you show the stylist. I currently have bangs like Zooey. I brought pictures of Zooey at an awards show, the one she wears a red dress with a pony tail and pearls. The ponytail left it so you can really see what is going on with her bangs. I also think it comes down to the talent of the stylist.

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