Throwback Thursday: How to be a Doormat

Every Thursday, I dig out an old diary and share an entry sans editing (in hopes we’ll all see my grammar and apostrophe use improve) with a short commentary. If you like laughing with/at Young Ashley, feel free to use the handy search bar to the right and simply type “Throwback Thursday” and you’ll find the whole archive. Thanks for reading!

Monday May 29, 2000

Dear Libby, 

Sorry, but I was just thinking about what an idiot I am. Did I tell you the Jocelyn dumped Benjamin? Well, the other day, I wrote Benjamin an e-mail saying: 

    Ben, I’m sorry to hear about Jocelyn dumping you. But If you need to talk, I’m here for ya. Just tell tell me when to get on aol or just e-mail me. 

    luv ya, ashley. 

    P.S. :*(sealed with a kiss.)

I am such an idiot! ‘sealed with a kiss’?!? How stupidly insane can a person get? Probably no lower than me! But eww! Sealed with a kiss? Ugg! I can’t believe I put that. 


I had yet to develop empathy – I just figured that since he wasn’t with Jocelyn, it was somebody else’s turn to be his girlfriend. I expected  he would be so taken with my willingness to tie up the phone line to IM him on AOL that he would drop a note, declaring his love into the slot of my locker. As you can probably guess, this isn’t how things went.

Before I roll my eyes so many times they get stuck like that, I’d like to offer Young Ashley some advice:

When pouncing on a dude who’s on the rebound, it’s best to not remind him that he was just unceremoniously dumped by a girl. I know you haven’t been romantically disappointed yet, so you don’t understand that the purpose of post-breakup flirtation is to swiftly bolster one’s ego. Also, from what I remember, he wasn’t flirting with you, so calm the hell down and put up your away message with the N’Sync lyrics.  Was ‘luv ya’ a casual way to sign emails or were you actually telling him you loved him? And was it necessary to note that you were signing it with a kiss? The emoticon wasn’t enough? Because seriously, you are the epitome of Crazy Girl right now. You’re the exact opposite of “suttle” (I’m assuming that’s how you’d spell it). The sneakier way of doing this would have just been to say, “BENJAMIN I LUV U. LETS DATE NOW THAT UR SINGLE!!!!!!!!!11 LUV U LOTZ, ASH” You don’t know what they are, but you are doing the exact opposite of what The Rules advise.


I have a headache. I forgot that how often I roll my eyes when reading these old diaries.


11 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday: How to be a Doormat

  1. ***subtle***
    I always imagine saying SUBtell when spelling it.

    This kind of makes me want to pull out an old diary I have from sixth grade. But, I would never dare post it on the internet. Why were you writing to “Libby”?

    • Haha, I know how to spell subtle, but I’m sure Young Ashley didn’t. After reading Anne Frank, I named all of my early diaries. Idk where Libby came from though!

  2. This is bold. If I were to ever look up old things that I wrote back when getting on IM counted as half a date, my reaction would probably be embarrassment coupled with relief that I ended up so okay that I can keep the worst thoughts inside of my head. It’s a great idea to ridicule your 15 year old self, but it leaves the question how that self would have reacted to your snobby know-it-all-ism. ‘You don’t know what I’m going through, don’t judge me!’

    • That’s such a good point! I never thought of how Young Ashley would respond. She’d probably just start crying and throw herself dramatically into bed saying that nobody understood her.

  3. This is such a good idea to look at hold diary posts. I know I would die laughing if I went back and looked at mine. Is ‘Libby’ the name of your diary? I named mine too – Becky, because I was obsessed with Becky from Full House haha.

  4. ha I love that you referenced The Rules. I read that book, and even though I think it needs to be updated to the 21st century, I adapted it enough in my life not to be the crazy girl, like your teenage self in this post lol. I am glad that Throwback Thursday has returned!

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