The End Product of Crocheting on a Friday Night

Texts sent to Andrea at 9:18pm:

Me: So. I tried to crochet tonight.

Me: Disaster. I’m now drinking a beer.

At 9:20, my phone rang. Andrea showers me with encouragement about crocheting: I’ll get it. It’s a process. Be patient. It’s all about the tension. Just practice.

We proceeded to talk for two hours. We have this great way of talking about everything and nothing at the same time. We can easily go from the creative process to the haircut I had yesterday afternoon to why I need to stop listening to Kanye West to how Andrea was almost roped into a pyramid scheme (The guy drew circles for her, not triangles, so I don’t know what her problem was).  I love talking with Andrea. I’m not obligated to provide a segue to my next thought. It’s essentially having responses to my stream of consciousness. Everybody needs a friend like Andrea. It’s fantastic.

Me: Andrea, I think I’m ready to start dating.

Andrea: Yeah? That’s good!

Me: Yeah, but not like seriously dating. I’m in my 20s. I should be having fun, right?

Andrea: For sure.

Me: I mean, I’m no longer mooning over Bill. But like, I want to date different types of men. Like a distinguished older man. Or maybe a hipster. Or a hip hop guy.

Andrea: *laughs for twenty seconds* That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever  visualized.

Me: What? Me and a hip hop guy? I know. I think Kanye West is starting to affect me in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

Andrea: I definitely think that’s true. One time at hip hop night at this coffee shop in Milwaukee, I  — WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Me: Sorry. I put you on speakerphone by accident, but then I just went with it. Does it sound terrible?

Andrea: It sounds like I want to die. It’s like when we used to videochat and the fan in your computer was terrible.

Me: I just have terrible technology.

Andrea: I kept hearing myself talk.

Me: Echo echo echo…

Me: Ok, you’re off speakerphone now. better.

Andrea: Omigod, yes. So much better.

Me: Anyway, what happened at hip hop night at a coffee shop in Milwaukee?

Andrea: I got hit on and had my ass grabbed.

Me: Well, to be fair, you do have quite the hip hop ass.

Andrea: *laughs for twenty seconds* Fuck you.

Other topics covered tonight? How my life has turned into me simply visualizing events of my day as potential blogging material (“But that just means you’re turning into a true artist, being inspired by everything!” “Or it means I’m exploiting my friends and family for blogging material.”), sadness battles (“I just spent two hours on a Friday night attempting to crochet.” “I’ve been eating peanut butter all damn night.”), and envying anorexics (“I wish I had the self-control to be anorexic.” “Do the ana boot camp – 500 calories a day, then 400, then 300.” “Sounds both healthy and legit.”)

I can’t speak for other girls, but this is pretty typical of my conversations with my friends.


3 thoughts on “The End Product of Crocheting on a Friday Night

  1. this makes me feel more important and loved than the time a douchebag i dated for two minutes put me on the cover of his 1 song EP.
    i love you, and our stupid yet vital conversations.
    ps i laughed through reading this entire post… mostly because you are awesome and this is exactly what transpired.

  2. Kind of insulted you don’t use your texts with me as blog fodder. Then again, I’ll probably need to start being interesting again for that to happen.

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